So you have decided to try out polyamory, but where do you begin? There are definitely some places to meet fellow polyamory people that are easier than others. Trying to meet polyamorous or poly-friendly people at bars has been an absolute bust. I have been a lot more successful on online sites where you can search for people who are poly-friendly.
Meeting polyamorous people is hard at first, but the more friends or partners you have the more people you meet. So don’t get discouraged! Here are some ideas to get you started:
OKCupid is starting to add features that make it easier to meet other polyamory people. For example, if you happen to have a hierarchical relationship style you can add your primary partner to your profile.
When looking for matches you can sort people based on whether they are monogamous or not.
You can also search OKCupid based on people’s answers to specific questions such as “Would you consider being in an open relationship?”
As of right now all the lovely partners I have I met from the polyamorous Meetup group I run. In my opinion, Meetup is the easiest way to meet poly people. If they are members of the group you know that are at least poly-friendly. Unlike online dating, you can talk to them and meet them in person before deciding if you want to dedicate an entire night to getting to know them.
3. Mutual Friends & Parties
If you only have monogamous friends this doesn’t work to well, but once you start making polyamorous friends it can be a great way to meet more partners. I prefer meeting people at parties far more than being set up with someone on a blind date, but a lot of polyamorous people have luck with both.
Fetlife is a kink and BDSM site where you can connect with other kinksters. While polyamory and BDSM/ kink are not related there is a big overlap in people who are involved with both. Fetlife has an option where you can be polyamorous and add all your relationships, whether they are kink related or not.
The biggest downside to Fetlife is that you will get all the weird annoying messages you get from OKCupid, but sometimes even creepier.
I was skeptical, but apparently a good number if people have had luck with actually meeting people to date and not just bang through Tinder. Tinder doesn’t make it too easy to tell if someone is polyamorous, but if you are willing to do some sorting or deal with poly newbies it may be worth it.
6. Out & About
Sometimes it feels like there are so few polyamorous people, but there are just enough of us that you can happen to run into them in your daily life. Being out tends to help this. If you are willing to talk openly about polyamory you are more likely to meet other people who share your view. It is a little more difficult if you are in the closet to know who else is polyamorous, but it can happen anyway.
7. Facebook groups
There are a lot of Facebook groups about polyamory out there. The groups that are specific to regions are best for meeting people. Be forewarned, some of the large polyamory Facebook groups can be couple-centric, misogynistic, and even violent in their recommendations for how to deal with people. On the other hand, some people have met new friends and partners on Facebook.
The polyamory community on Reddit is growing. The main subreddit is a great place to talk about poly- related issues while there is also a specific subreddit for actually meeting other poly people online.
Polyamory conventions such as Poly Living in Atlanta and Denver bring together a lot of polyamorous folk in one place and can be a great place to meet like-minded poly people.
Unfortunately, if you are coming to the convention from further away it may be hard to meet any people in your area. Long distance friends and partners can be fun too!